Thinking of you
You are always on my mind.
Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.
I miss you so much. Words cannot explain the loss that I feel without you. Just reading this now seems trivial compared to what I feel. I need you. I was told following your death that writing to you would make me feel better. You know what I said to that! I’m still the skeptic you married. Nevertheless, months after the suggestion, I find a strong urge to do this. It is now 5am and we just arrived in Orlando last night for the first time without you. I haven’t been able to sleep. I wish so much that you were here.
Can't believe it is over a week since the last posting. I keep going back to edit this as each day is different and doesn't seem to be relevent the time I want to post. I also wanted to post some pictures of the kids first day of school, but haven't figured that out yet so you will only get words this time. Cari had a relatively better week. Meaning she was not sleeping as much as the last week, not in as much pain, however on the other end, very restless and often confused throughout the day and night. Cari asked me today why she is so scared. I was greatful to receive a book from Fairview Home Health Care and Hospice and was able to answer her question. It seemed to satisfy her and calm her down some. Not knowing what each day has in store for you can be frightening. I am just so honored to be able to be by Cari's side each day and hold her hand so she knows she is never alone on this journey. She actually had some visitors this week and was able to converse for short periods of time. Her Dad came for the week end and was pleasantly surprised to see her talking to him when he arrived at 1AM Saturday morning. She was asking for him all week so I guess she wasn't going to miss the opportunity to see him the first chance he arrived.
Again this week our goal is to make Cari as comfortable as possible. Cari made an emergency visit to the hospital earlier this week as she was having difficulty breathing. Of course they did some tests and then arrived back home early the next morning. She is now on oxygen to help her breathe better and continues on maintenance pain medication. She is having some trouble swallowing pills so we have converted most of her meds to liquid or dissolving tablets or IV infusion. She just dislikes the taste of her meds and makes no qualms about letting us know. My sister in law made me chuckle when she said that Cari tolerated all her surgeries, chemo, radiation, mris etc.without complaint but she just does NOT like the taste of her meds!!!
The time between blogs are getting longer as Cari has become weaker over these past few weeks. So as her Mom I will be updating her blog these days. Last week Cari had 4 out 5 possible chemo treatments. When Friday came along a decision was made to not give her that last treatment as she was not progressing as hoped. Instead she was given an IV with saline and a medication which I think was an antibiotic for a possible infection. She is receiving IV infusion this week at home through home health care. Her father has also returned to spend the week to help care for her and love her through this time. A loving group from Woodland Hills Community Church also visited with our family and lifted Cari up in prayer. We were so thankful and blessed with their presence and kindness. Cari sleeps most of the time and is receiving meds for pain management. We ask that prayers be lifted to our Almighty Father that her spirit and health will be strengthened and she will feel the heartfelt loving arms of Jesus Christ through her family, friends and bloggers and that she will have peace of mind and heart during each precious day.